If you and your spouse have been married for a long time, you may feel that your relationship is not as intimate as before. There are several causes for this, such as the stress that comes in the day-to-day responsibility to your family, being too familiar because of your years together, and being too tired of all the chores you have to do.
When the relationship is new, your sweetness and closeness may be effortless. After several years, little by little, it turns boring and ordinary. That’s normal, and you’re not the only one who goes through that. Many couples also go through this phase, and some grow out of each other and just let go. However, you can do something to bring back the spark. It takes effort and commitment, but if you and your partner are willing, you can save your marriage from spiraling down.
Start being intimate again
Being intimate is not just about sex. Of course, love-making is an important factor, but it’s not all about that. Intimacy also includes holding hands, sharing hugs, and kisses. These little things that you forgot to do matter a lot in your marriage. When it comes to sex, be passionate and do things that will bring pleasure to your partner. For example, men could take male enhancement pills like the ones that you will find at The Male Libido. Wives will be satisfied as some of the benefits of the pills are longer erection, harder penis, and more semen. Take care of yourself, as you will feel more confident and energized in bed if you feel good about your body.
Remember the good times
You will experience tough times in your marriage, including exhaustion from work and household chores, financial concerns, and health problems. You and your spouse may not always see eye to eye on all these situations, and you could end up being each other’s enemy instead of being allies. When this happens, all you see about your marriage are the bad things. Do not let these rough parts of your relationship erase your good memories together. Just as there are hard times, there are also happy times that are worth holding on to. Thinking of the best things about your marriage will give you hope, and you will have a better outlook on your relationship. It will be easier to work your marriage out if you have these beautiful memories in mind.
Surprise your spouse
When was the last time you surprised your spouse? Things become predictable, and you get used to your routine as husband and wife. You wake up in the morning, go to work, go home, and repeat the same thing the following day. Be random and spontaneous now and then. The element of surprise is an effective way to bring the spark back in your marriage. Your partner will be pleasantly surprised if you take her on an unplanned trip during the weekend, or go to a movie together. It doesn’t have to expensive or grand, but do something unexpected. It will bring excitement to your relationship.
Know your partner’s love language
Being together for several years doesn’t mean that you know your partner’s love language. You must know this, to understand what will make her feel loved or special. There are five languages, and they are:
- Quality time. People with this love language feel most loved when you give them your full attention. It means not using your cellphone when talking to them, and listening to them with all ears. It’s not just about being physically there, but being completely focused on them.
- Receiving gifts. It doesn’t mean that they are materialistic. They feel loved when people make the effort of giving them presents. The gift doesn’t even need to be expensive, as they will appreciate the time and energy that you spend in getting it.
- Acts of service. They feel special when you help them with anything, like doing the laundry, cooking dinner, and cleaning the dishes.
- Physical touch. It doesn’t necessarily mean sex, but it includes being physically touched like hugs, holding hands, massage, and touching their face.
- Words of affirmation. They feel loved when they hear positive words, like telling them you love them, they are beautiful, or encouraging them.
Giving gifts to someone whose love language is quality time may not be helpful. No matter how many gifts you give, but if you don’t spend quality time with her, then she will still not feel loved. Ask your partner when she feels most loved to know her love language. There are also quizzes that you and your spouse could take online to know each other’s love language. It’s not enough that you know it, be sure to put it into use.
Share how your day has been
Go to bed together, and take time to tell each other about your day. It doesn’t mean that you are reporting, but you want to share the ups and downs of your day with your partner. Doing this will make you feel closer together. Intently listen to your partner when she’s sharing her day, as this is also one way to develop your intimacy.
Take a break from the gadgets
You may be spending more time with your mobile phone or video games than talking to your partner. Put down your phone, and cuddle with your spouse while talking about everything under the sun. Spread a blanket in the backyard, and have a relaxing time under the starry sky at night.
Set a regular couple's time
Date night may become seldom, especially when you have kids. However, make it a point that you spend time together regularly, when it's just you and your spouse. It could be every weekend or at least once a month. You will have something to look forward to. Take this time to relax and have fun.
The things given above about putting the spark back in your marriage are not rocket science. These are small things that couples take for granted, which turn out to be the big things in marriage.